Home The 1% Club Podcasts Editorial News Picture Gallery Two Views Sommelier Chef's Table Front-of-House Features Book Reviews Travel The Guides Michelin Guide Relais & Chateaux National Guides Europe 25 Contact |
Home The 1% Club Podcasts Editorial News Picture Gallery Two Views Sommelier Chef's Table Front-of-House Features Book Reviews Travel The Guides Michelin Guide Relais & Chateaux National Guides Europe 25 Contact |
| The Grumbles - The 40 Perils So what do certain fine dining establishments do that make us seethe; the things about which we feel they should know better and equally what do we do that we simply shouldn't. |
For Customers For Restaurants
1) A Sommelier that doesn't know you,
makes two recommendations, both over
£100 a bottle.
2) Aggressive pouring of the wine and
water to try and sell some more.
3) Treat you with general disdain, after
all its never their fault, particularly so if
you're eating on a promotion.
4) Not offer a set lunch on a Saturday
and so force you onto the expensive a la
carte or the 7 course Gourmand menu .
5) Have list prices exclude VAT
6) Have staff talk about you (or swear at
each other) in a foreign language, you'd
be too stupid to understand.
7) Ignore you when you walk through the
door and find you by accident some
twenty minutes later.
8) Have a wine list that really starts at
over £50, the two token cheaper bottles
would work better in your car.
9) Consider vegetarians as an after
thought and then charge a la carte
prices for a plate of lettuce.
10) Outsourse the booking system and
then have it permanently engaged.
11) Hold back as many tables as
possible for "regulars" to lengthen the
lead time for reservations and appear
popular.
12) The fewer staff the better and it's the
manager's night off so relax!
13) Make a Cover Charge
14) So who ordered the beef?
makes two recommendations, both over
£100 a bottle.
2) Aggressive pouring of the wine and
water to try and sell some more.
3) Treat you with general disdain, after
all its never their fault, particularly so if
you're eating on a promotion.
4) Not offer a set lunch on a Saturday
and so force you onto the expensive a la
carte or the 7 course Gourmand menu .
5) Have list prices exclude VAT
6) Have staff talk about you (or swear at
each other) in a foreign language, you'd
be too stupid to understand.
7) Ignore you when you walk through the
door and find you by accident some
twenty minutes later.
8) Have a wine list that really starts at
over £50, the two token cheaper bottles
would work better in your car.
9) Consider vegetarians as an after
thought and then charge a la carte
prices for a plate of lettuce.
10) Outsourse the booking system and
then have it permanently engaged.
11) Hold back as many tables as
possible for "regulars" to lengthen the
lead time for reservations and appear
popular.
12) The fewer staff the better and it's the
manager's night off so relax!
13) Make a Cover Charge
14) So who ordered the beef?
15) Upon arrival, offer three types
of Champagne, you have to guess
which one you can afford.
16) Only accept cash, nearest
cashpoint a tube stop away.
17) Increase prices 25% the day a
guide is published that makes
reference to the old prices and
gives a favourable review.
18) You discover that you visit the
restaurant more often than the chef.
19) Rush you through so they can
go home as early as possible.
20) Consistently mis-calculate the
bill, always in their favour.
21) Recommend only those
dishes which they need to sell.
22) Allow you to feel forgotten
about half way through a sitting, so
you help yourself to the wine.
23) Charge £5 for a bottle of
mineral water.
24) Charge for service and then
leave credit card slips open.
25) Expect the disabled to leap
umpteen stairs in a single bound.
26) Enhance the atmosphere by
playing entirely inappropriate
background music that matches
the extraordinary decor.
27) Confuse your wife with an
innocent female acquaintance and
make it worse by apologising
profusely.
of Champagne, you have to guess
which one you can afford.
16) Only accept cash, nearest
cashpoint a tube stop away.
17) Increase prices 25% the day a
guide is published that makes
reference to the old prices and
gives a favourable review.
18) You discover that you visit the
restaurant more often than the chef.
19) Rush you through so they can
go home as early as possible.
20) Consistently mis-calculate the
bill, always in their favour.
21) Recommend only those
dishes which they need to sell.
22) Allow you to feel forgotten
about half way through a sitting, so
you help yourself to the wine.
23) Charge £5 for a bottle of
mineral water.
24) Charge for service and then
leave credit card slips open.
25) Expect the disabled to leap
umpteen stairs in a single bound.
26) Enhance the atmosphere by
playing entirely inappropriate
background music that matches
the extraordinary decor.
27) Confuse your wife with an
innocent female acquaintance and
make it worse by apologising
profusely.
28) Populate the dining room with
uncomfortable chairs that are
apparantly chic.
29) Cram tables in to the point you
become on first name terms with
all diners around you.
30) Make their latest marketing
ploy to advertise as a promotion
their business as usual.
31) Eat/Stay there once and get
junk mail forever.
32) Hold 'special dining' evenings
then cram in as many as possible
and serve mass catering standard
food from a fixed menu.
33) Fluctuate the 'mood lighting'
between blinding and fumble in the
dark.
34) Nearest parking 2 miles away,
unless it's £25 valet parking.
35) Offer for sale just about
everything at your table or in the
lobby.
36) Present a menu exclusively in
a foreign language and fail to help.
37) Offer second sittings first.
38) Have an unbalanced menu
and compound the error by never
changing it.
39) Charge for coffee refills.
40) Have an unclear smoking
policy so half the customers are
always unhappy.
uncomfortable chairs that are
apparantly chic.
29) Cram tables in to the point you
become on first name terms with
all diners around you.
30) Make their latest marketing
ploy to advertise as a promotion
their business as usual.
31) Eat/Stay there once and get
junk mail forever.
32) Hold 'special dining' evenings
then cram in as many as possible
and serve mass catering standard
food from a fixed menu.
33) Fluctuate the 'mood lighting'
between blinding and fumble in the
dark.
34) Nearest parking 2 miles away,
unless it's £25 valet parking.
35) Offer for sale just about
everything at your table or in the
lobby.
36) Present a menu exclusively in
a foreign language and fail to help.
37) Offer second sittings first.
38) Have an unbalanced menu
and compound the error by never
changing it.
39) Charge for coffee refills.
40) Have an unclear smoking
policy so half the customers are
always unhappy.
| Copyright fine-dining-guide.com 2004-2005. All Rights Reserved. |
